You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
