Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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