i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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