theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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