I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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