You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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