I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
