Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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