i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
