do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
