Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
