What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
