If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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