sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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