My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
