I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
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