I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How does one acquire holy water?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
