I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
