Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
