You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
