It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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