shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
