I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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