I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
