So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
