you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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