I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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