Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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