I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
