sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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