You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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