just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
