I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
