vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize