wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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