I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We just shotgunned beers for America
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
