Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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