Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
