Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
