fuck your aforementioned shoe
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
