I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
