Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
