he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize