Umm I'm too high to move.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
