Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
do herpes really smell.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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