is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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