I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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