whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
