it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
