i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
