he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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