Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
