$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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