I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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