sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
