My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
