i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
