Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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