Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
