I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
