What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
