I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You're like the curious george of whores
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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