you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
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Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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