we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
