my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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