What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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