I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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