Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
