Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
