Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
