i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
