I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
