sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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